5 Tips for Expressing Condolences So You Don't Say the Wrong Thing

Hearing that a friend or relative has lost someone dear to them naturally brings a sense of sorrow for us too. It is not uncommon for compassion to make us want to help and comfort them quickly so things feel better. Grief over losing a loved one can make a person more sensitive. Words of condolence and good intentions can still be misunderstood when we fail to read the situation.

As someone close to them, we need to understand that sadness is a normal response to losing someone who meant a great deal. A person in grief does need encouragement and motivation to ease their sorrow. However, not every expression of condolence is appropriate at a time of mourning. To avoid saying the wrong thing, it helps to think carefully about the words you want to offer. Make sure the person hearing them does not end up feeling even more sad.

Here are some tips to keep in mind when offering condolences:

1. Do not judge their feelings while they are grieving

Losing someone meaningful in your life is deeply painful. Rather than trying to advise them not to dwell on their sadness, this can actually judge their feelings. Do not ask someone to stop crying, or worse, ask them not to be sad. Such remarks can make their mood even worse.

Give them time to calm themselves. Let them cry so their heart can feel more relieved about the loss. It is better to say, "It must be so hard to lose someone. It's okay to cry. Afterward, you can be a little stronger." Then let them settle down until they feel more stable.

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1. Do not ask too many questions

When grieving, a person's mood tends to be unstable. Do not burden them with difficult questions such as "What exactly happened?" Not everyone can answer such questions easily, especially if they are still in shock from what happened. This can add pressure to them, particularly when nearly everyone who visits asks the same thing. It is enough to simply be by their side and let them share their story on their own if they wish.

1. There is no need to give advice while someone is grieving

There is nothing wrong with wanting to comfort someone who is grieving, including by offering advice. However, this approach is less suitable during a time of mourning. Everyone experiences loss differently and grieves in their own way. Giving advice at a time like this may make someone feel cornered and guilty.

We can never fully know what another person is feeling. It is best to respect their period of mourning, and avoid giving advice or comparing their situation with others. It is better to offer support by staying with them until they are more settled.

1. Trying to fix the situation by offering help

Offering help is a good way to support someone who is grieving, and there is nothing wrong with it. However, a grieving person often declines an offer of help. Repeatedly asking or even trying to cheer them up can make them uncomfortable.

Trying to lighten the mood with jokes is especially inappropriate and can hurt their feelings. If you want to help, it is better to stay with them until the funeral procession is over, or simply offer what they need, such as food and drinks. Do your best without offending them, and let them settle their feelings in their own time.

1. Trying to cheer them up by taking them out

When a person loses someone they love, the situation becomes an extremely heavy emotional experience. It is common for them to choose to be alone at home to recover. Do not pressure them to go out and about, as this will not make them forget their sadness. If you notice they seem to have changed, we should understand that this happens because losing someone close is not easy. Let them make peace with themselves and give them time. Always pay attention if their changes begin to cause concern.

Sorrow after the passing of a loved one is not easy to get through. They carry many burdens, but everyone must be ready for what lies ahead. Kamboja is here to offer a solution #UntukMereka when the day of mourning arrives. Kamboja provides protection, from handling every arrangement during the funeral process, to guaranteeing the necessary funding, to benefit allowances for the family left behind. Loss is already the hardest condition for them, so do not add further burdens. Register yourself and your family as Kamboja members for protection in the future through Daftar Sekarang.